i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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