you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
