That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
