The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
