she woke up with a sticky ear
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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