Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
