if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
