The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
