Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
