I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
