well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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