tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
