I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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