The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
