Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
