I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
