i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
