Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
