Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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