drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
