i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
should my penis look like a turkey
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
