I feel like I'm in dance class right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Liz is crying about burritos again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
