shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
