Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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