i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
