i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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