Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
