Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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