Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
