I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
