i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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