just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
