He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize