Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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