We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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