We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
