is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
