If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Randomize
