Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
