Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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