Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize