Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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