I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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