It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
