what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
