i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
