So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize