My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
