the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
