you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
