dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
