Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
