How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
