I wish my penis had an off switch
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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