I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
