Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
