Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize