i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
