dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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