ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
