I'm sorry my penis didn't work
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
