Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
