I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
