you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
