nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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