I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
