dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
