there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
