my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
