Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
