I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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