Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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