so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
