Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
