i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
