I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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